You

You once told me,
that my words are gloomy,
that my art is mostly shades of gray,
that the song I sing of speaks melancholy,
that my poems are tragic.

You questioned me,
more often than I dared you would
“how is it that you still create
something so sad?
when you already have me,
and i have you?”

You dared me to speak of tales of you,
to portray you in shades of
yellow, orange, even red;
to sing of joy and love,
to write of the greatest love story yet untold.

But how can I?
When everything I say
cannot accurately describe
the greatness that is you.
When every color I use
to get the perfect hue of your eyes
cannot exactly depict
how beautiful they are,
how they sparkle and shine
as the light touches
the magnificence that resided in you.
When every melody
that I attempt to dedicate,
falls short of the
exquisite happiness that is you.
When every poem I try to do
in honor of you
can never compare and amount
to how gentle your soul is,
to how kind your heart is,
to how sweet your love is.
It can never
ever,
ever be close to the perfection
that is you.

So for now,
I will try to speak
of tales about you,
I will paint you,
I will sing for you,
I will write legends about you.

But you are beyond art,
and music,
and literature.

That is the truth.
—-
Written on 01/29/17

3 am thoughts

When i die
Will someone miss me?
When they see me lying
Peacefully inside a white coffin
Clutching a white rose
Will someone say
She was a good person
A good friend
A good daughter
A good lover?
Will someone cry his heart out
The way I spill my tears
Right now
If someone will,
Then why do i feel empty inside
It’s as if I had no one
To call my own
When i die
Will someone remember me?
Will someone say,
“Sure. She had some crazy moments.
But this girl will always be etched
In my heart. She loved me so.
She’ll always hold a place in my life.”
Will someone miss me like that?
Will someone regret leaving me behind?
Will someone regret not spending time with me that much?
Will someone hate me for leaving him?
Will that someone beg me to stay?
Will someone rejoice?
Will someone be hurt?
Will someone still take me for granted?
Will I still be denied?
Or will someone see me for who I am?
When i die,
Will someone love me?
Or will that someone
Turn his back on me?
Just like the others.
Just like this moment
When someone walked away from me.